Double Entendre

Have I created just another way to hide from myself? My life is good, healthy, happy and I live it very contentedly most of the time. There is great love in my life, work to support me, and creative endeavors to challenge my mind. These aspects are anyone needs to live a good life. There are shadows in my mind that I cannot explain. I don’t try to analyze them anymore, I just live with them and accept that there are times when those shadows will cloud all of my thoughts.

“Maybe I’m the one who is the schizophrenic psycho” Puddle of Mudd

Why isn’t it enough for me? I still want to run away from the distractions and demands made on my energy and time. I need to be in the place that is mine alone. I have shared as much of myself as I can without losing myself. I’m sorry that I have disappointed you by not sharing that place in my imagination. You thought it a scary place when you took a glimpse. It isn’t you that I don’t want, it is what you want that I can’t share. I want to be close, but not too close. I want to share my thoughts and fun, but not too often. I need to be alone. I don’t want to start fires that I may not be able to temper. There is enough to complicate my emotions. I won’t allow more.

“I never meant to be
So cold…
I never really wanted you to see
The screwed up side of me that I keep
Locked inside of me so deep
It always seems to get to me” Crossfade

I come close to reaching the top of the proverbial mountain, but fall before I reach the top. Almost acheiving some small greatness, but never pushing quite far enough to say that I accomplished something. I am more than mediocre. I only pretend to be the person that you liked so much, thought was beautiful and wanted to love. I am only a shadow of the wit you thought you bantered with, the intelligence you thought you recognized. You are better without me.

“Fake it, if you’re out of direction
Fake it if you don’t belong
Yeah, fake it if you feel like affection
Whoa, you’re such a fuckin’ hypocrite” Seether

I’m such a fucking hypocrite.

I’ll be guest posting at the Avilion Order blog, leaving the Double Entendre to my alter ego.  I’m so excited! The Avilion sims are busy and I love being a part of it. I knew somehow that I would find my niche.  I struggled with the idea of trying to write for an SL publication - now the struggle is over.  There is a lot of work to do there, and my ambition is to make the Avilion Order blog a valuable resource for anyone interested in becoming a part of the Order and to those who are currently members.  Wish me well.

I thought the I had an opportunity to interview Ancient Shriner at one point, but missed that opportunity. I followed a TP to neighboring Bogong and found the Ranchero sim with Code4’s theater and offices. I know that Adsoft has helped quite a few real world companies market themselves in SL, but I don’t have an understanding of how that is working for them or if real world companies are really finding an advantage in marketing in SL. It is an interesting question to consider.
posted by Melynn Dreamscape on Ranchero using a blogHUD : [blogHUD permalink]

Edited post, formerly -Group Gown.

Thank You Lady Kouse of Kouse’s Sanctum for the Crystal Gown (right) that I received this week as a gift for being a member of the group. The hair is from Panache and can be found at Free Dove for no charge as well.  I have a couple of purchased gowns from Kouse’s Sanctum, please take a stroll through the store.

The gown on the left is from the Tuli update group. See Fabulously Free in SL and Detachable Penis for more pics and instructions getting your gown. The necklace/tatoo is from Shiny Things and I picked it up from the Gnubie store. The rest of the avatar are my purchases. Watch out! Your bloomers show under your skirt when you move! I wanted to show the corset because I like the detail.

The weekend began this past Friday evening with building instruction from Lady Kendall Dagger. The little crystal table I managed to assemble under her expert tutelage is below. It isn’t much - but an elf has to start somewhere!
The next morning started with jousting practice and instruction. I can still feel the wind whistling through the holes that were poked through me. I found another battle skill that I am really bad at. It does take practice though. If there are any jousting Knights out there who have any tips for me, let me know. I seem to have a problem with staying a respectable distance from the list without leaning to far in. The idea is to aim toward the opponents knee, which will also steer my horse in that direction. I have to aim and keep from leaning to far toward my target. Lady Blynn fondly says that she makes swiss cheese of her opponents. She is certainly proudly wearing a few pieces of me on her lance!

Deep in the caves of Avilion, close to where the underdark emerged so long ago, the Drow laid in a modern swimming pool. They invited all mystical beings of the Order to swim and laid character to rest just for a couple of hours. One of the Drow appeared to be so afraid of drowning that she waded hip deep in water wearing full scuba gear. The Drow are not usually so concerned.

I’m sorry to have missed the concert, performed by Silas Scarborough. I did get to Druid Training later in the day on Sunday where battle practice took place. It was only the second in our training and it seems that there is still much to learn. A few of us took it upon ourselves to drill and learn more about healing within the Spellfire combat system. We feel a little more confident in our healing abilities now.

I heard some of the chatter and excitement about the rollout of Havoc 4 to the areas included in testing. We were all looking forward to understand the differences this would make to our world before our excitement was very quickly tempered. We wait for the magic to happen now.

It was a busy few days in the life of an Avilion Guardian of the Mist.

I spent the weekend freebie hunting and wrote about spending my $L too freely.

I bought the 512 sqm next to mine this morning (is there a big “L” on my avie head?).

The property owner next to me put a couple of fugly freebie houses down with rental boxes in front - obviously, there have been no takers.  I looked out of my window this morning to see  twirling “For Sale” signs above the two 512 spm parcels.  The price was exactly what I had paid for my little plot, so he must have decided to sell without the thought of profit. 

My ugly low prim shack has 1024 sqm to sit on now.  I may graduate to an ugly low prim sky box.  I have plenty of room to sit beginner’s building projects and keep a little house in which to shut myself away. 

Myg took a new avatar and finished with an attractive avatar taking advantage of freebies that she could find. I took the post as a challenge to do the same, but with a simple change; my clothing and character had to be acceptable to the standards of Avilion. Avilion is a role play sim with a dress code. There are sentries posted at the gates of Avilion who will remind anyone coming into the sim that they must be dressed appropriately. It isn’t particularly difficult, there are boxes of free gowns and male character clothing available at every gate and telehub. Avilion is a well established community where the participants are creative to extremes! They are all very well decked out in great finery, including weapons. Any new visitor to Avilion who respects its’ traditions will be welcome with open arms regardless of the avatar. I just don’t happen to think any of us really wanted to show up at the gate looking like “Test Female” here:

I turned my avatar into a noob by going to “Character” then “Test Female” from the client menu.

The next step was to find hair and skin that didn’t make me feel ridiculous. Lady Claire McCloud mentioned Free Dove when I bumped into her and explained what I was up to. Eyes came from a PBC box at Free Dove. The skin is a tip from SL Freestyle. I was reluctant to use it because there was only one box left when I popped into the store to create the landmark and the store was empty. It came from Marianela and it is called Aylen III, Pale fresh. The shape is a free shape from Evian (see below). The hair is available at Free Dove from Calla. I made a stop at the Gnubie store where I picked up the necklace (love this neclkace!) offered by Shiny Things. The gown and shoes, of course, are Avilion’s free offerings.

Now for the fae; I chatted a bit with Lady Menchor Barbosa, about the free skins available and we agreed that the nicest we had found were the ones offered by Evian. The Evian skins are designed by Stephen Lightworker of RealSKINS. The box includes several ethnicities to choose from. You will find landmarks to other places to get the Evian skins and shapes at the RealSKINS store. The hair came from Free Dove in a box provided by Panache. The wings came from one of my storage boxes, I think I picked them up on Freebie Planet. The gown is a freebie from Free Dove offered by DG Innovations, which is now one of my new favorite stores/designers of fantasy wear.

I agree with Myg. I don’t think a completely free avatar for someone who really enjoys developing a character is possible. Furthermore, I don’t think I should expect items that have taken a lot of time, skill and creativity to make to be free. The best quality free items are those offered by designers who are trying to entice people into their stores or to keep repeat customers. It is a sound marketing ploy. The question is being asked and answered throughout the blogosphere, or SLogosphere as Harper would say ;). Living in the Metaverse wrote a couple of opinions on To Free or Not to Free (read the clarification, as well). Around the Grid with Harper and Myg got a track backs from New World Notes about the economic ramifications of offering free content creation. I utilize free items from the creators that I buy from. You see a free skin designed by Stephen Lightworker for a commercial purpose in the picture above. I have also purchased two complete sets of skins from the RealSKINS store, because the work and design appeal that much to me. Quite a few of my $L have been spent at Calla. I was not aware of DG Innovations before I found the free gown you see pictured above. I was prompted to go to the store to see what it offered because the gown was more acceptable to me than any of the dozens I have picked through and I will spend money in that store when I have replenished my $L supply.

My own conclusion is this: I appreciate good quality free content and will continue to use it to supplement my inventory with the purchases I have made.  I will also appreciate the hard work put into much of what I keep in Second Life by buying it, just as I always tip a musician when I hear them perform. Eventually, I may actually produce a little free content!

I’m spending too much money in Second Life. I didn’t realize how much my small purchases were adding up until I forced myself to add them up today. I’m not exactly going broke over it, but I do need to one or all of four things:

1) Take more advantage of the free “stuff” available.

There is a lot of good quality free content in Second Life, but I get lazy about wading through it. There is more free stuff that just isn’t worth keeping in inventory. It can take quite a bit of time to wade through two or three boxes of free items to find one item I might actually want to keep. I have been stalking Myg’s blog “M is for Myg” who recently modeled some free skins. It was a great help to see pictures of skins that were no cost or low cost before taking the time to find them, then trying out each and every one. I could see from the great pictures she posted if there was one that really tempted me enough to go get it. There are a few blogs that are dedicated to reviewing free fashion finds, here are a few of them; Fabulously Free in SL, SL Freestyle, SL Style Guide, Second Life Shopping Sherpa, and Detachable Penis. There is no end to the amount of free furniture and other objects to be found. My favorite free items come from the groups I belong to because they are made by my favorite builders/designers.  I constantly use the picture frame in the Library folder that I can pop a texture into and a couple of other cool little objects.

2) I could actually take advantage of the building skills I’ve acquired.

I do know just enough about building and texturing that I could make some simple items for the ugly low prim shack.  The ugly low prim shack itself can be copied and modified so that I could re-texture it in a manner that is more appealing to me. There are enough free textures available to boggle the mind, so my inferior hardware/software issue is a non-issue. The house is scripted to lock down, close shutters and notify me if anyone tries to enter it, which are the things that I have not learned to do myself.  It is also perfectly designed for Second Life, meaning, that I can camera around in it easily without running my camera into a low ceiling or wall.  I need to stop complaining and redecorate! It just needs a few pieces of furniture (low prim, of course) and I need to practice the building skills that I intended when I bought the little 512 sqm plot to begin with.

3) I could actually stick to the budget I originally set.

Software to play an MMORPG can range anywhere from $30USD to $150USD once expansion packs are added, and then the monthly subscription fee can cost around $15USD per month.  I decided that I would apply these amounts to my Second Life, since I don’t play online games anymore or even keep up with hosting and domain fees for a website any longer. My two premium accounts equal the software costs and then my $15USD per month and allowance.  Really, it should be enough.  I do keep an additional rented house where the prim allowance is more generous than my own tiny plot.  I also love dressing up my pixel dolls and playing with scripted weapons.  I recently decided to play with character and bought an ’80’s Madonna style black lace outfit and purple boots, then wanted tattoos that didn’t already adorn the skin I had in inventory (I didn’t buy anymore). Did that really do anything to enhance or improve my Second Life?  Umm, nah - it was just fun to play dolls.

 4) I could actually do something that would earn a few $L.

I have had opportunities do so some writing that may earn a $L or two. I have seen notices for other opportunities that I could seek out.  It seems like it would be fun and really add to the experience - before I start thinking.  Thinking really gets me into trouble.  I think about the responsibility to be online at certain times or to meet specific deadlines and the idea gets cold in my mind.  Real life is just too volatile for me to expect to be that dependable in Second Life.  Let’s face it; the Second Life is the completely dispensable one. I can decide exactly when I want to log on (if there are no log on issues), and what I want to do when I am in-world.  I don’t disappoint anyone or slack on a responsibility if I don’t log on or have a change of heart about what I choose to do when I get there.  That being said, I still don’t want to rule out the possibility of earning in SL.  It’s just a matter of figuring out terms that are acceptable to all involved. 

I have to stick to my budget for now.  I will choose the new items I add to my inventory carefully, create more of my own items and, finally, decide how I will earn extra to play with.  Geesh, this is beginning to imitate real life.

Performing now at Los Arboles open mic. Completely wow-ing this crowd. Appears to be kinda new to the SL Music scene. He is great. Worth it to look him up to find where he can be heard.

update: 1/16/2008  Thanks to Dolmere for the additional information on Rain Vieria.  I would have liked to talk with him, but didn’t have the time to ask!  
posted by Melynn Dreamscape on Los Arboles using a blogHUD : [blogHUD permalink]